Been gone for awhile and stopped what I started here which I thought was a good thing actually because I was hoping it was an indication of greater things but I’ve been filled with a lot of thoughts lately. So the past year has been interesting, lots of exciting and stressful things have come about. Got a new job that I love and want to continue to grow and learn. But it has brought up some questions and realizations.
Am I going the right direction? Are the ideals I was brought up on really what are suppose to happen? I was always told to work hard and strive to go above and beyond in any endeavor but it seems fruitless now. I’m 32 and wondering what the fu@# have I done with my life so far? I have a great husband, 2 beautiful kids and a house with everything I need but somethings missing.
I know one of my underlying issues is I think too much and have too many wants. Like I “wanted” to go to college (OK really I didn’t but the stigma of not going from my family felt to unbearable) and then I had to drop out due to getting pregnant. I “wanted” to tattoo for a living because the arts are my passion but with a new baby and my husband joining the military didn’t leave me time or the means to get started properly. I”wanted” to be the ultimate manager in my job and be the kind that cared about my employees and customers and not just about the bottom line. Well that hasn’t worked out too good because I left a job of 10 years because I couldn’t take the hypocrisy and neigh sayers that can’t believe that it can happen. There can be a job where people can be happy when their there. IT CAN HAPPEN!
Or can it?
That’s what I’ve been questioning for awhile now. Don’t get me wrong. I love my job and it’s duties. I love my employees and what they do everyday. I love that i support something bigger than myself and I’m helping people in need. And isnt that suppose to be enough? Well I’ve realized that their is an underlying correlation with all jobs, a common thread that always makes people miserable and creates chaos when none needs to be had. That would be….the Yes Man.
The Yes Man is the most annoying and underhanded person you will ever work with. Yes we all have to be one to a certain extent but where the line is drawn is when you do speak up to question authority to maybe make change is how they react to it. In the past I’ve always tried to do my best for my superior and do right by the company I work for and lead with respect in mind. It’s seems though every time I try to do things the company way and just go through the motions I turned into an uncaring person. I never wanted that, I never wanted to lead with an iron fist and just company policy. I wanted to be the rock that employee could hold on to when they were upset or that ear that could listen when they had a bad day. I don’t know how many times I sat in a office with someone just so they could let it all out. And because I did that they went on the rest of their day with relief. I prevented so many walkouts just because I listened to their concerns. That’s all they wanted a manager that showed they care and tried to help correct the problem.
So what am I getting at with all this? Well I’m no job or life coach but it seems that if you care in most places of work you don’t get anywhere. Having a heart and actually caring about people is the wrong way. I’ve never wanted to believe it but as I get older seems like it’s starting to become very clear. I hope in time this is proven wrong to me.
Sometimes I wonder why can’t I just sit home and play Fallout for my job. 🙂
So I took some time off from many things lately, had to reflect on what was going on and realize that my life wasn’t going where it needed to go. So today hopefully will be a step in a different direction. I’m nervous as heck wondering where this will take me and even if it’s the better decision but you don’t know until you try. I’ve been so unhappy for so long but I kept going for the sake of others. But the best advice I’ve heard is I’ve got to think of me for once. And you know what, everyone is right. Doing what I do is for my family and me but I know I can be happy doing something I love and provide for them also. So here we go, I know the grass isn’t always greener but if I don’t try then I’ll just be filled with regret. And I’ve been feeling that for a long time in one for or another. Time to stop that and be happy!
So today I was thinking that I found a way I can do something that might start me on the right track to where I want to go in the future.
I think about where I am right now in my life and realize I’m holding myself back from my full potential. If I at least start doing something small that I can control maybe that will help my mindset in other things in my life.
For awhile now I’ve neglected many of the joys of my life. I’m not spending as time with my kids as I want and the hobbies I have I haven’t got to enjoy in a very long time.
So now the goal is set and tomorrow I’ll be making the first step in starting my own little business. I’ve got the goal now I’ve just got to start!
“So when is enough, enough?” I’ve been asking myself that for quite some time now. As time goes by that thought keeps rolling around my skull like a marble.
“Why do I keep dealing with this?” And there it is again. So tonight as I sit here in my bed with flashbacks flashing before me, I’m going crazy.
This isn’t the first time either. The past couple years I have tended to latch on to an idea or thought and not let go. Is it because getting older makes you reflect on things? Maybe having kids makes me want to make them be better than what I was, so I’m stressing out?
Or maybe I’m just being over dramatic. Which I know most people would think that, if you don’t know someone that tends to be your first thought, right?
But let me say now I realize most people are not being over dramatic, they are truly tired, hurting, depressed, or worrying about something.
So I think I had an eiphany tonight. It IS enough. I don’t care what others think. I’m going to take a risk, I’m going to try something different. I’m going to take things I love and enjoy and integrate them into something I can control, I can have for my own and make people happy.
It’s going to be a lot of work but I’m not getting any younger…..
Now I mentioned I work in the retail industry, which for some of you could be the best job ever or the worst. I’d have to say it’s definitely both but as any job it is what you make of it. And what comes to mind when you think of the qualities that make your job worth going to? Good management, fairness, consistency, coworkers? So many different factors add up to what your experience is ultimately about.
For me I’ve always loved working, I’ve always been a worker bee, very rare I have not had a job since I got my working papers when I was a teen. My mother’s side of the family was a farming family so they were never afraid of hard work and it reflected in what she tried to instill in me. Yes being a child of the 90’s I still slacked off when I could home wise playing games or running around outside, but I’ve always tried to be the best worker I could be.
Now understanding that it could put you in quite a pickle. How so you ask? Are you in it for the money? Are you in to change the world? Are you doing it to make yourself happy or others? Now for me, yes I’ve always tried to do better at my job so I could move up and make more money but I’ve noticed the more your ambitions fall on money the more likely you are set up to fail (unfortunately their are those ass hats who will always climb the corporate ladder unfairly and be successful) . I’ve always tried to learn a job all the way through before going the next step. The key to a good worker is to know their is always something to learn and knowing as much as you can is the best thing for your workers and customers.
One of the most important qualities in any person or manager I’ve dealt with is their sense of empathy. Understanding what someone is going through as you were yourself and helping them through it. I feel that empathy is a quality that is truly fading in this corporate world and I’ve been watching first hand for years.
When you get trained in any customer service job what is your ultimate goal? To make the person happy right? But how are you supposed to do that with lack of empathy? “I understand” can be a very powerful phrase (if you mean it) within your job, whether your talking to a customer or a Co worker. Their were so many times I wanted just to walk out of my job but I went to certain managers and vented like crazy, and because they sat there and listened and said they understand I stayed.
I try to emulate them everyday I’m there. I think in doing that I have helped in so many ways. Many people who work below me have almost walked out but because I was willing to take that time to listen and try to help create a satisfying result they stayed and I created a bond with that person. Customer wise you will never satisfy all but when you get those few that walk out so happy, I even got a hug from a customer last week(because I gave her a discount on a display vacuum), it makes you feel so good, no matter how little the problem it matters to them. And thats what people forget that it could be tiny to you but the world to someone else.
Here is a link to great article from which the title of my writing is from and the quotes, that helped me remember what my job was all about. Take a read and maybe you will remember why you do what you do.
So I see they change the header on the fallout website. To anybody that is a Fallout junkie like myself that could mean……..Fallout 4 perhaps? And by the way I’m not as stealth as I thought I was baby screamed for 45 minutes the minute I put her down, how does something so tiny and obviously so tired manage to do that? Second kid and still astounded…..
So as I sit here baby on my lap, dog on my feet, my head is spinning with so many thoughts. The one the most is “when is this baby going to go to sleep so I can?” I should be grateful however seeing were to the point of 6 hour stretches through the night. She is mesmerized by her dad play Final Fantasy so her head is starting to bob, slowly she will fade, head slung in my arms. Then the dilemma is do I actually go to sleep so I can face my stressful filled day of places I do not want to go or even thought I’d experience or stay up and take advantage of the sleeping kids and get things done I should have before but I was too depressed or stressed to even think about. Oh wait she’s out…..
now time to do the ninja type moves to get her to the crib without waking her, wish me luck…..
So yeah i try to think I’m not a typical person, mother, worker but when it boils down to it I’m pretty normal seeing everyone has issues. I see myself as an artist but unfortunately I wasn’t part of the 1% that made a name for myself. To see something I did as a hobby blossom into a talent which I thought would ultimately lead to a comfortable lifestyle dwindle back to a hobby was very depressing but I had somewhat of a nice career in retail to back me up. Not exactly Picasso type stuff but it puts food on the table and Im making a difference in small way making people happy during those must have times of buying those goods out in public. My long career in retail has taught me alot that can relate into real life.
I know I’m a creative person and I was viewed as the “black sheep” of the family, not in a behavioral way but in a “I’m gonna dye my hair and wear the most annoying outfit I can in public to annoy my parents” kinda of way.
I was always the introvert playing video games and watching movies till the sun came up on weekends. Besides a few close few I’d rather stay up in my room alone than hang with anyone. I don’t know how many new years I spent playing Ocarina of Time than watching the ball drop. I thought it was normal, maybe it was for a teen back then, maybe? I dated the jock in highschool then the guy with tattoos and piercings that could play the hell of a guitar. It took a long 6 years to realize that relationship wasn’t going to work out. At least that led to who I’m with now so I’d do it all over if I had to.
I’ve never been someone to express any type of feelings to anyone. No matter how angry I get I’ll keep it in till I eventually just break down,which is not the healthiest way I know but that’s just how I’ve associated the way you express anything in your head. I guess it would come down to the results of almost every situation that has fell before me. It’s weird how our brains associate just the few bad things that happen and escalate them to what your whole life is, I know my life as a whole really doesn’t suck but this past year has made me realize that if I don’t do something nothing will change.
So here’s to positive thinking, here’s to something new! I’m going to take what I’ve learned and spread the word and share it with all and maybe it will have a great impact on someone even one person.